dolL * 43 - admiT

when she is missing him
she's juz couldn't raise her hand to ring a call
she scared to hurt the wound again when touch it
maybe she has lost her braveness
maybe she couldn't find the reason anymore

it was always a smile when she saw his msg
she didn't expect to see him on the x'mas nite
he looks happy and cheer
"wife is for the whole life.."
heard it from his whisper
she felt that is he in love again
yet she knew she's not the one in his heart already
the smile that been missing long time ago
appeared on his face again

she didn't think that much
the rainbow in the dark might not going to exist
sitting beside him with an ordinary heart
she's happy enough she can talk to him again
she cherish it
as the one she ever loved

dolL * 42 - doubT

sometimes maybe silent is the best medicine

she didn't know her bugging will make him frustrated
maybe she has been asking too much
she doesn't mean to bother him
though she's not the priority

still she will be the back up to lend her hand
whenever he needs
no matter what she have said
it's all just her concern and worries

she will only talk to him freely like no one
he is the person who she can share all in her heart
ears to receive her every complain
place where she can cry her heart out
when she's upset
but it scared her
when his words sounds so serious
her tears dropped in a sudden on her pillow
she was blank..
because she scared the trust and dependent
that take years to build up
will just destroyed in seconds

he is off for his vacation again
it might be just a few days time
but it's seems long for her to spend her day
maybe she has got used to it
it's just like the alarm clock beside her bed
always ring at the time when she's still in her dream
she hates it yet she couldn't get rid of it
sometimes she can just off it and overslept
sometimes she still has to wake
even earlier to ring a morning call

it's the imperfect
that fills the satisfaction of life

dolL * 41 - belonGs

the nite when she logged in facebook

saw his updates
she heard him said out whats in his heart
but she didn't know what to reply
she got lost in the jungle again
maybe she needed to learn to be brave
to face everything that always reflect him

she found the similarity
both are same wishing and waiting for the miracles
that might be not going to happen
but sometimes miracles could be created
when it's believed

maybe they are not belong to each other
she doesn't know where is she belongs to
she juz hope she could belong to someone in the heart
a place where she could rest
when she is tired
a companion who she could rely on
when she feels helpless

she feels isolated
wishing if he could listen whats in her heart
wondering who is able to adopt this little doll
with a beaten heart

Rainbow in the Dark

she's trying hard to find
the rainbow in the dark sky
if there is coming an end to the world
she's not afraid
if she could hold it with her hand

dolL * 40 - perhapS

she's afraid of nothing
he is the courage that live her life
she's juz afraid of his refusal again
which dropped her to the deepest
she trust him
for who he is
and believed herself really miss him
so much unexpectedly
cause everything he does and words he says
it all takes her breath away
and now she's left with nothing

when he walked away
she thought of him and whispered
"everything's okay"
when she saw the seaweed soup on the table
she's now believing
she cares
if everything of him is okay
if he has enough rest
if he takes care of himself well
maybe it's true
she can't live without him
maybe two is better than one

maybe she's not the priority
but she wishes she could be the one he saw
at the end of a tiring working day
juz to accompany him by his side
sharing stories of the day
how adorable it would be

dolL * 39 - lockeD

it's was 2 months ago
when she last saw him at the party
same black and white checkers shirt
wearing on both of them
they were quiet in the crowds
till the moment before she left
her night was brighten
when their line of sights met

he looked sallow
she hopes he doesn't overload himself
still there is someone worry for him
friends said it's a happiness thing to be with him
but why their story doesn't carry on smoothly
like the fairy tales that she read

the nights he came into her dream
the moment her tears dropped
she knew that her heart still remained for him
she wished to stay in the dream
stay in the flash been with him
stay in his warm hugz
his existence drove her the energy to move on
turned into a doll that can be with him all the time
feeling want to stay in his world
though she knew it's hard in real
her heart is locked
he is the key
to unlock the chain