Paper & Pen

dolL * 36 - unknowN

she was watching drama in her room
the character in it reflected herself
conversations that meant to her
same things that she would worry and do
she just felt herself in the story

the invitation to his birthday
she has no word to describe it
definately she was happi that
he took the initiative
but yet she felt anxious
a stranger that she known
familiar yet unfamiliar
he treated her as usual like how they were been
sparkles of the stars twinkling
cold and warm switching on and off
sometimes he cares, but sometimes he's not
it's just like a storm came after the sun
she doesn't know how long could she stand
she just worried
she would fall into sickness
would it always be a rainbow after the rain?
she prays and wishes..

no doubt she wished she could know the answer
but she didn't ask anything about it
bcoz she gives a face
she feels the answer like the air
that she breathe in
yet it untouchable but she needs it
she wished he would tell her
she has been doing all this for him
without knowing the reasons why
her heart was driving her all the way
she wished she could know the status

worries and worries always filled up her mind
seems that the worries has overcame her cares
maybe the feel of longing has faded
without realizing
when their time was covering by works and problems
she's trying to find it back
the feeling that she has been lived with it for years
she doesn't want to lose the special one
bcoz she loves him deeply
plz stay at the corner that she can feel your warm
she will never go away
no matter when it rain or sun

14.08

the day she has been waiting for
she just hopes to do something special for him
on his special day
every year 14th of August
is a day that more important than her own birthday

things happened before is bothering her
as it's been a while they didn't see each other
her mind was bare
till the night before she talked to the friend
she gave her idea to gather all his friends for a hang out
and celebrate for him
she offered to help to contact them too
she really thanks her with her heart
*thanx siowei*
*hugz*
^-^

she didn't want to let him know that is her plan
she just wants to surprise him
without any expectation
he sms her trying to ask her
if she can go for his celebration
her tears of excitement dropped
for taking the initiative
she didn't know whats in his mind at that moment
she felt worth for what she has done for him
she promised she will go
to the party that she planned
her mind was full of twist and turn

no word can describe her feeling
when he walked towards her
and sit beside her
the subtle feeling just so real
sitting beside him is a happiness thing
to see his smile in front of her again
is the biggest comfort to her
having fun thru the night
they sang him bday song when the cake was served
bday trick was on after he blew the candles
passing chocolate piece from his mouth to hers
putting all the cream on his face
and made her to lick it off
first time she did it for his bday

she hopes he would like it for the night
with a card that she specially edited for him
he looks happy when he looked at those pictures
old picture of him that she kept for years
other than "happy birthday"
she didn't write any word in the card
it's all the pictures of their story
she lets the pictures to do the talks in her heart

she hopes this birthday is a different and special one
yet he knew the plan before the night end
he told her that he never had this kind of birthday before
this is meant to her
without finding out the status
she has loved him from the start
and she never change her way to love him
she hopes it last

dolL * 35 - wisheS

another week to go
planning to sketch all her feeling out
into pieces of paper
and color it
couldn't find a word to describe her feeling
drawing will do the talk
on the day itself
14.08

the haze outside her window
makes her hardly breathe the air
and the affection runs through her soul
hating it could go away
she wishes he didn't go away

maybe she hates that for the thing he didn't do
but she loves the thing he has done for her
hate makes her loves him more
she hates that she loves him
she wishes he doesn't get sick of this weather

she wishes she could photoshop on
their memories of fleeting
all the flashback
won't leave her alone
she wishes he could come back to her

nothing she can change the past
she couldn't change the habit of calling him pig too
she just wishes that he would listen to her
side of the story

dolL * 34 - clicK

weather changes its mood like crazy
rainy ending given to a hazy hot day
it just like her life
miss-adore-cherish-lost
pulling her up to the hills
and
pushing her down to the vale
it's never easy to take it alone,
it's even harder when it's two
beliefs and supports make her survived
she appreciates to those accompany by her side
while she's struggling
"Life is life photography, we all developed from negatives."

the air has a weird smell
but she couldn't feel anything in it
hardly breathe the air
probably her feeling has been arrested
she is breathless

keeping herself like nothing ever happened
though she knew she's not
just a little thing around
could always remind her of him

meeting her friend of friend
listening the same name calling around her ears
staying at the same area that she familiar with
brought her to the time and place where they've been
a call from his friend
colors that she wears
the road that leading to their destination
places that they used to eat together
everywhere she goes draws his shadow

it all clicking the red button in her heart
raising up all her veiled feeling
that buried in her heart
it never disappear
just a little thingy
will unveil all of it
*12 more days to his bday*