dolL * 17 - oddnesS

she feels unfilled since that day

even she has been busy with works

her time was filled up

but not her mind

she got a lot of things to think and do

somehow she felt odd

something has been left out in her heart

which she used to very familiar with it

she put it in freezer of her heart

still it comes back randomly

now she's confused

she accepted the fact

sometime the air still got stucked in her chest

she felt that she doesn't own anything

since the drug was taken away from her

she lost her addiction yet she's not

maybe she's juz haven't get used to it

piece of her soul lost somewhere

need times to get it back

maybe she should put all that aside

go back to her fantasy world for vacation

do what she likes for herself

recharge the low battery to full

sometimes a fall doesn't equal to a lost

it enhances the strength to move further

she learnt the imperfect

she believes that

she had gone for what she wants

so be it if it doesn't want her back

maybe it doesn't deserve her anyways

dolL * 16 - exhausteD

she didn't know it would bring trouble to him

if she knew she won't ask for anything

she was took to pieces

she didn't expect this would happen

it's ok if he doesn't understand her feeling

but it realli hurt

when he scolded her

she knew it's useless to talk more

at that moment

if he felt better to put his temper on her

she would juz accept it

she juz hope nothing changes

she is still the one who always here for him

whenever he needs

go ahead for what he likes

as long as he is happy

thats enough for her

maybe she would try to change

her way of concern

but

the sister wouldn't leave him away

he is always her lovely brother

what happened is happened

she couldn't control it

she really hopes he understands

and believes in her

she won't do things that will trouble him

she need a rest

dolL * 15 - confuseD

the little birdie is staring at her

but she don think it can understand her

same like he doesn't understand her dream

hardly to give a smile

they have been gone thru all this

with honest and sincere

but couldn't find a same exit

how long would it be

from now on to the feel of heart ache

is there any imminent?

sometimes it is suffering

when pretend not to say a word

how does an expectation look like

her heart got hurt juz in a sudden

is it all about he hold hand with someone else

or the matter between her and him

he told her where is he going

yet she confused

at the next moment

she couldn't figure out

dolL * 14 - hurT

this is the first time

her dream comes true in real life

but she can't breathe the air

bcoz it's a dream which she doesn't wish to come true

how could this happened ?

all her six sense and observations

are correct

she is sick now..

her chest got stucked

hardly feels the air to breathe in

her brain run out of oxigen

she needs a doctor

to cure her sickness

to assemble her broken pieces of wing

the angel is too weak to fly

she is actualli not that strong as she thought

she need a support

for her to fly further

nothing is perfect in this world

learn better from the fall

take the imperfect to replace

be strong to continue journey

no matter how heart ache is
always need time to heal it

the angel wishes he could see

she flies higher with the wounded wing

drugGz

he is a drug

she knew he got nothing good

but still she addicted to him

once she get used of it

day after day

it's hard to get it off

yet she knew

it's not good for health

to become a second hand smoker

but still she don mind of it

she is exhausted

bcoz the drug is taken away

from her

her care for who he is

will never reduce

dolL * 13 - abandoN

she got a dream last nite

which make her hardly breathe the air now

she doesn't wish this to happen

yet it happened...

her six sense is always right

she couldn't believe that is true

it's so complicated

she is falling down from the tree

and feels the hurt

she owaz reserved a seat for him next to her

but now he is happy to be with someone else

which he didn't notice that

she is waiting in the park

her tears dropped into her heart

no one see it

maybe it's too late when she realized that

she's actualli had reserved for him

a place in her heart which she get used to

she always be there whenever he needs

juz that all this while

she doesn't think that she'd miss him

that much

she has been deny her real feeling to everyone

and herself

she's not only cares for him as a friend

she wanted to get this off her chest

she wondered why ppl always got their love easily

but she's always the one left behind

she doesn't how to sort it out

no word can describe her feeling at this moment

only

eMpty

='<

she tried to take a picture of love

tried to type a message

she got a piece of paper

but its empty

...

dolL * 12 - holD

she wanted to get rid off her madness

she sat on the tree branch alone

yet her mind couldn't stop blending

all the word he said

and the name mentioned

how could she juz get mad of a name?

she guess she must be crazy edi

she knows mayb he don think that
she is trying to do her best for him

but she is juz blank in a sudden

when he is probably taken off

she couldn't imagine that

if she has to learn to live

without bother for him
it's not easy to accept a changes

either physically or mentally

bcoz she's so get used to him

all this while

she holds tightly to the branch

she scared to get hurt

from falling down from the tree

she doesn't know how to get down from the tree

she doesn't know what's the purpose
keep on mentioning the name to her

make her so moody edi

emo

empty

time freeze

...

she wants to hold the second

and she hopes nothing is moving on

could it be?

dolL * 11 - addictioN

x'mas coming soon

she was with the pig on the x'mas eve last year

it's would be a sweet memory

between her and pig

he's the one she likes

in her fantasy world

back in reality

she got addicted to him

the one she cares

it doesn't equal to the one she likes

she realized that
it wouldn't be the same person
the one she likes and the one she loves

she stayed at the origin

she got stuck between her fantasy and what is real

but no doubt

she prefers to be with the one she adapted to

she dono if she would quit

instead of stepping into it

she's already get used to him

but suddenly he is going on with someone else

she is getting mad and jealous

she hardly breathes the air

it's all bcoz of him

dolL * 10 - meltinG

it's has been so long she missed out her pig

since summer and now winter begins

quiet all this while, busy with lives

till got no extra time to think of it

after gave her special present to him on his bday

everything going on as usual

nothing is changed..

she had tried to bury all her feeling

deep into her heart

without any expectation of return from the present

but

all the hidden feeling came out again

at the moment she saw him today

she realize that she's still mind of him

the pig is always in her heart

she didn't let go of him but juz put aside

she thought she has lost feeling to him

but she's actualli not..

she thought she has lock her mind

of being apart from him

but this time

she may have failed

bcoz she has loved him from the start

she guess she will be fall for him

over again

...

she was juz kept an ice cream in the freezer

to maintain its shape all this while

once the green light indicates

it still melts

it's freezing outside

but her heart is melting

...

dolL * 09 - losT

she cried last nite

suddenly her soul was broken into pieces

and empty

when she was told all her document was gone

no back-up is saved..

all her collection of chronicle and memories of years

all of a sudden

she felt that..

she was thrown out from the planet

lost her memories and dono who is she

floating in the air with no direction

hardly to recall back

but only broken pieces of it

she couldn't imagine that

if she drove her car out at that moment

she wan to get rid of the mad

her anxious max out to the most

she felt calm after talk to him

to get the madness off her chest

while she felt sorry to her papa also

for being wild in front of him

she didn't want to

as she knew her papa realli care of her

but she juz lost control of it

she is not blaming anyone

but herself

dolL * 08 - runawaY

she feels scared in the jungle..

scared of the real world

full of cruel, wicked and coldblooded

no one can be trust

she felt unsafe when talking to everyone

except him

she wished she could runaway from it

but somehow

she couldn't find a way out of it

she got lost..

there are a lot of scary creatures

showing good and kind in front of people

but back stabbing people from the back

which you wouldn't realise

till the moment you see the blood and feel pain

she has to hide her anger

smile and talk nicely to that scary creature

she is trying to protect

and save him

from the jungle of evilness..

desiGn reCipe

creative? arts?? recycle???

LoL~

it was juz having fun after finished lunch

design n deco the plate by using the food left on the table

it started with my plate which left all the chilli slices

which i pick out from my fried rice

hehe..

the 2 colas is juz to make the composition looks nice

added in

carrot cucumber

fries, prawn tail and dried chilli

ta dah~~

it turned into a prettie smiley

additional ribbon on the head by using chopstick plastic

done loO~~

by ahloong jyhhaur & me

she drinks coLa~

too much brainstorming for design student i guess

we can juz simply come out with the design idea

with limited sources that we have

lalala lala~

^-^*

dolL * 07 - hiding deviL

she noticed someone is hiding

behind the bushes

there is the devil with two-faces

which she hated the most

wearing a mask to get close with people

but pointing bad from her back

or trying to hide from what they have done

assumed that she wouldn't know

she actualli knows but juz keep in mind

she doesn't want to unveil the devil out

that will only be a stupid action as they did

she was realli pisSsed off at this time

when she found out the truth from third party

sometimes she can't understand

is that devil acting stupid

pretended to be innocent

or realli didn't know what have been done

is getting other people into trouble

over react for what supposed to be

action taken always didn't match with what have been said

didn't know how to be flexible at different situation

but only follow the rules blindly

it's even worse than a blind person

she will beware from the devil
don't ever think to hide behind the bushes

a devil's step is not hard to be discovered

in such a small garden

groWing gift

the 3 little plants moved to a bigger house

keeping at the balcony

happi to see that they are growing healthy

i dono how big would it grow up to

bigger, more leaves, flower or tree??

lol.. i'm still waiting and wondering lo..

taking good K of my weird bday gift which i never got before.. haha..

dolL * 06 - worrieS

she stares at little blacky

it juz keep quiet

wearing a devil mask

to cover its real expression

but she knew little blacky is not happy

something is happening

it always didn't want to tell

hide inside and undergo by itself

thought that it's not a necessary to let her know

it doesn't know that

she's more worries

when come to this situation

she doesn't want to get angry with him

she juz hope he can share with her

to solve the problem together

at least there is someone to share with

someone to give support

to cut down the weight of suffering

on little blacky's shoulder

she hates to see it got annoyed

by its kind-hearted

it should learn to consider the limit

she always know

when little blacky made mistake

or not in the mood

even it tried to cover it up

she juz wanted it to know that

little blacky, u are not abadoned

and never alone

...

dolL * 05 - complicateD

they are not twins

but is she herself

onLy

sometimes she's tired of

being different character in her life

she hates herself for who she has to be

bcoz she has to act

acting is not her talent

but she tried very hard for it

guess she is doing quite well

yet it's realli tiring to be a twin

when you are actualli not

switching black ribbon to white on the same dress

slightly changes to present as another character

her spirit is splitting into pieces

how could she gather all the puzzle pieces

to assemble into a complete set

she juz wanted to be herself

and she only can be real her in front of him

bcoz she can be transparent

to be who she wants to be

pour out all the words in her heart

instead of putting on colors to decorate herself

in front of peoples

a simple support will bright her day up

lead her to a little smile

^-^

she hopes he could understand

she doesn't like to be in this situation

but she has to

thats the way she could deliver her support

in the way he needs

it's simple yet complicated

it's a challenge when doing something

that she doesn't talent at

for the one she care

but it means

...

+U!!

dolL * 04 - perfecT

she is a perfectionist

life was busy..

don hav extra hours to sleep more as she wish

but still she can manage to dress up

and get things done for herself

and for him too
she feels that too much let go

will make her worries

so she decided to give her concern

in the way he needs

without other people's awareness

that has became part of satisfication in her life

it's not easy to be simple
sometimes simple can be turned into complicated

at certain moment

when rules meet judgements

it becomes understanding

she learnt that

tolerate to create perfect

to move further

in silence

dolL * 03 - silencE

closing up her eyes
feeling the fresh air and sand
she juz wanted to relax her mind..
*Let some answers be left unanswered,
and let some truth be left untold.*
this is the best way
to keep everything on going well..
the answer is somewhere in her heart..
there is no true or false..
she will juz give everything she needs to give
what it comes in return
it doesn't matter..

dolL * 02 - wonderinG

she hopes he doesn't angry edi..

she starts wondering... ...

what is she doing all this juz for the sake of him..

she owaz lend her hand when he needed..

giving too much rely on her..

too much depending on her..

and let him be in whichever way he wants..

even though she knew it's not the correct way..

she juz worried that

would it be leading him into a bad habit..

turn him into a nicely wrapped empty gift box..

-.-

but she can't change at this moment..

still she would be there whenever he needs..

dolL * 01 - emptY

she can't sleep well thru out the nite..

things happened juz now keep on replaying in her mind..

she scolded him accidentally..

she didn't want to but somehow it happened..

she felt bad after he left..

her mind was suddenly blank..

she feels empty ..

she knew he muz be angry..

so she apologize to him..

"sorrY.."

*littLe bLuu*

cutiee little bluu~ i hop to see real little bluu..can't wait!! >.<

[photos grabbed from http://www.customizeyourgifts.blogspot.com/ ..hehe bcoz i forgot to take pic of the mug that day before giv it to ami]

it's a belated bday gift for Ami.. a fren since we were in kindergarden.. omg~

Ami loves miaw miaw.. she can talk miaw's language too.. haha~

Ami, meimei wish u all the best oo!!

i'll work hard and joining u in future.. hehe..

don miss me too much.. bcoz i knew that.. =P

take k oo~ ^-^* ami & little bluu*

280808 (part 2) ^-^*

few days after my bday.. got another gift came in late..

he is late again.. owaz late..

if not duh overslept.. bo bian..lol~

even it was late, but it's special..

it was put in my car and i couldnt see what was that actualli bcoz it was so dark..

i touched some leaves 1stly i tot it was rose but bukan..

i was wondering what is that bcoz i was told that it will be a weird present i ever got..

hmm..

i almost up-side-down it to see what is that..

lucki i dint..

if not all the water poured out in my car duh tiam..lol~

but stil i split out some water..

b4 he told me that got water inside..

i drove kfulli and slowly home..

once i opened up the wrapper, it's realli surprised me..
it's a custom design glass with my name written on it..

it's was so cute and lovely~

but..

it's weird also lo..as what i hav been told..

there are cabbage looks alike unknown plant in the glass..

dont u feel that also?

lol~

weird hor what's the meaning of the gift le?

hmm..

oo.. he said it's like the growing gift application in facebook..

but this is a real growing gift..

so i can realli take k of the plant lo..

oo..interesting idea..creative..

it's memang a weird present which i never got b4..

but it's special..

oni weird ppl will com out with this weird idea lo..

haha~

after a while, i noticed that the trasparent varnish to protect the painting on the glass started dropping off..

ops!! kena air la!! duh..

i hav to transfer the plant into another container and poured out the water in the glass..

wiped it kfulli with tissue to let it dry..

phew~ lucki the painting is saved..

hor chai ar..

i was so sleepy edi yet i hav to do that quietly in the midnite and take pic..

hehe..

it's all the sukuwen's fault lo..

put so many water inside the glass..

lol~

the painting is so

lovely..

done by prettie joanne..

thanx alot ^-^*

cute tiger, pig and a donkey..

with the lovely design..

it makes the glass so unique..

i'm so happii to hav it..

it belongs to me~

yeah~
^.^v

a gift from sukuwen..

realli thanx for it..

i'm owaz like to argue with ur opinion..

but this is realli a special gift..

lol~
TQ wen ^-^*

i put it in a nice bowl..

wait and see the "cabbage" plant to grow up..

lol~

280808 ^-^*

while i was watching trailer of

" money no enough 2"..

>> " when is ur bday?"

" 8/3"

" what year?"

" every year.."

LOL~ it's funni but yet logic also..

28.08~ it's my day again.. once a year.. every year.. hehe..

i never hav a big celebration for it bcoz i don realli like it..

i'll prefer to go for a simple dinner.. with few of my frens n family..

this year i had a great bday.. ^-^*

on my bday eve..

i went to meet up with few of my primary school classmates, which i hav not seen them since i graduated from primary 6 le.. omg!! it's realli long lost fren lo.. it was so please to see them again.. lots of memories came up in our mind when we talked about our past time in class.. even they dint know it was my bday on the next day.. but it was a great present for me edi.. hop to meet them all again in future and take a group pic of all of us.. ^^

that was my 1st present for my bday.. i got it for myself..

on the big day..

my frens and my family they made me a warm bday with their wishes and gifts..

all the wishes flooding in my sms, facebook and friendster.. lol~

i love all the present i got.. realli happii ^-^*

this is from my lovely colleagues..
*payung*alan*ezan*alexius*Q*asfia*val*terry*hel*kenny*

miaw miaw i wan tissue~ haha~

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

ini pulak gift from Tan's family *ben*chuying*mich*.. hehe..
a sexy new dress for me.. =P

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

woo~ a box of ferrero rocher from ming & ping.. golden shinny blink* blink* ..

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Your DolL

u wanted a toY

so i turned into your dolL

would u be minE?

Last Song

this is the 1st poem i wrote for my prince last time..
a prince that i ever deeply fell for him..
but he didn't belong to me..
he's so perfect and i believed that he is the only one..
i don't think i could find a sustitute in future..
it was juz like a dream..
a wonderful dream..
it built up a great castle in my memories..

here it began..~
it's virginity write u a song
u say anything owaz on my mind
juz simple a few words
coincidence forever luv
do u believe wif it?
it's de art of life choo mo goc
an angel wif broken wings
her tears into de endless rain
lost her way back to paradise
crucify her luv
a deep sense of longing
de last song is de 1st song
playing wif ur guitar unfinished
as one~ur existence in jojoshi..
the love to u is alive in me
u r aside of me...every day..